Functional Relationship?

Well, after all this talk about sex, I felt like it would be a great idea to move to some relationship-oriented discussions. Why not start at the top with a very basic question:

What exactly IS a "functional relationship?"

I've been thinking a lot about this topic lately, trying to define it more precisely. My current relationship feels, empirically, like the most "functional" one in which I've ever been involved. I've been seeing this guy for nearly five months now and we've not quarreled once. He compliments me with class, he wants our friends to be friends, he cooks amazing dinners for me all the time, and he holds me until I fall asleep. Even as the high of a new relationship wears off, I'm still drawn to him as a man who offers me a unique sense of security and happiness in the many ways he shows his affection and intimacy.

So why do I still think about my ex? The man I dated for four years? The one that never called? Who constantly broke plans and left me disappointed? Who didn't care about my friends? Who blamed me for every single argument we ever had?
Who knew every single thing about me? Who would laugh with me for hours? Who wanted to adventure across the country with me? Who said the only thing missing from every exotic place he traveled was me?

I would like to define a functional relationship as one that is healthy for all parties involved, both emotionally and physically. My current guy is so even-keeled and safe that I never question how he feels about me. In contrast, my ex was such an emotional roller coaster who took me both to the depths of despair and the highest highs of love. Are we conditioned in today's society to think that these intense swings of emotion are healthy and real? And when we encounter a relationship that offers nothing but positive, steady affection, why do we question it? Why does the latter seem too good to be true?

So what kind of relationship is functional? What is most satisfying? Today, are we capable of believing the love we currently have is real, true, and what we need, regardless of the loves we've had in our pasts?
What DOES functional mean? Is it a relationship that empirically works, or is it one that feels more real?

~
I struggle with the same problem as Lia does. Even being in a healthy, stable relationship for years, I'm constantly comparing relationships to try and understand what's functional and what's sub-par. I'm always looking for something wrong. My image of what a relationship is has been tainted by the past, causing me to question and compare everything.

I also wonder if twisted memories leave us in comparison mode 24/7. We forget the bad things and remember the fire that our non-functional relationships had. After all, there must be some reason for us to think back to someone else when everything in our current relationships are normal and healhy.

My ex was someone who lit this insatiable passion in me, shared my fantasies, finished my sentences, knew what I wanted to eat without asking... He just clicked with my soul. But did that mean he satisfied me? The REAL me? The EVERYDAY me? No. The realistic me knows that he didn't. I couldn't trust him to be a real man - to do what mattered most. And when he left me, he left a relationship unfinished - without closure. I think that's what makes it hard for people like me to forget it. The problem with these passionate nonfunctional relationships, that could last for months or years, is that they leave you feeling empty when you need someone to count on. For a variety of reasons, that relationship fails to live up to your expectations of functional because of its addictive crack-like highs and lows.

The one whom we inherently search for should be someone who is not only a soulmate, but also someone to rely on. He'll pick up the kids on time, help pay the bills, and understands you had a hard day and need someone to listen. Afterall, isn't that what ultimately makes a relationship functional? One that won't stress you out - one that shares your life with you without ever making you feel inferior? Perhaps a functional soulmate is sometimes less of a romantic, but makes up for it in security, true love, and trust? Aren't these the qualities that last the test of time? We shouldn't give up on passion, but shouldn't we understand that that is not the ONLY thing we look for in a relationship - and different men might express passion in different ways?

So perhaps my question is more, how do we recognize and separate the unrealistic relationships from the functional? How do we stop remembering the past in this false glow and comparing it to the present? Or is this just a normal part of life?

~ Vi

We'd love to hear from others in functional relationships...!

Penis Size Theories - Part III

Can a penis be too big??

These well hung men - they're guranteed good spots in a porno even if they're not attractive, and they are the envy of all the other men in the locker room!

But is there a downside to being that big? Is there such a thing as too much penis????

I once read that the down side to having a penis that was too big, was that it would be harder to find a woman interested in anal sex or deep throating. In addition, although most of a man's nerve endings are at the tip of a penis, it must be a little unsatisfying not to use the whole thing. For some woman, a big penis can not only be uncomfortable, it can also be impossible! I'd also like to add, that it's harder to have safe sex with a larger penis. Even extra large condoms can be too snug and if a man does not realize his large endowment, he might use a smaller condom and cause it to break! (had that happen a few times...)

Penis Size Theories - Part II

Penis Size and Natural Selection

We are fascinated that there are still small penises around!!! You'd think with women's preference for large, satisfying organs, we'd have eliminated the small penis genes from the population. But in fact - they still exist! Why???

We've come up with a lot of theories we'd love to share with you!



1. Women fall in love with the man and accept the penis.
2. Women don't realize the penis is small until right before sex. And then feel bad. And then get knocked up.
3. The Small Penis Man has an awesome tounge (See Part I).
4. Some women don't know what a large penis feels like.
5. Small Penis Men were made for Small Vagina Women. With people moving around the world, the sex organ gene dispersal has just gotten out of control.



Another significant aspect to consider, related to evolution, is the qualities that women desire in potential long-term mates. In the short term, sure we'd like a man with an exquisite dick that can please us through every small hour of the night. But will he treat us the way we want to be treated for years? Will he provide for us? Will he be a nurturing father? Of course we don't think of these qualities right away, but they are certainly the category of things that women need and want in men they may potentially wed. I'd venture that if a man has a smaller penis, yet turns out to be an amazing emotional companion, a woman would inevitably decide to reproduce with this man. And since it is highly likely that men get their 'penis genes' from their father (bearer of the Y chromosome), any sons of said husband will bear similar packages. Thus, the small penis continues to exist.

Penis Size Theories- Part I

Penis Size and Pleasurability

Oh long has the debate been between what a man carries in his pants and his ability to pleasure a woman with what nature gave him. We try to massage the feelings of the masses by reassuring them that it's the motion in the ocean. This topic has long been a favorite of the tryst girls. Because, we'll be honest, it does matter... at least to us. And we bet to a lot of other women too.

I've been working on my theory that a man's penis size directly correlates with his foreplay skills. The reasoning behind it is simple. If a man is well endowed (in girth particularly), he has an easier time pleasing a woman without too much effort or awkward positioning. Similar to a person who is deaf and has a keener eye, a man with less than adequate equipment learns to make up in other areas. So in fact, it's not a result of genetics that a small man is more adapt with his hands, but a means of survival. In part II, we'll discuss the evolution of the penis and why we believe there's still small ones around. But as you can imagine, the ability to perform excellent cunnilingus is an upper hand in a man's fitness.

I can tell a story of one case in particular. His girth wasn't up to snuff. He was an otherwise good lover, and always willing to go over the top to please in any manner possible. But like most men of small size, he was aware of it and very sensitive on the subject. I tried to reassure him that he was "just fine" down there and it was just difficult for me to get off during sex regardless of size. He didn't believe me that size didn't matter. Unsatisfied with my assurances, one day he excuses himself mid-romp and comes back to continue having sex. I noticed something wasn't right. There seemed to be more involved down there than the usual! Freaked out, I jumped up to see what was going on. The doubting man had purchased a penile insert to put into a condom to try and satisfy me! Although thoughtful, it was akward, and I insisted he didn't need it. He insisted I try. Well, it took approximately two seconds for me to orgasm with the new device. But, embarassed that this was the first unmanipulated orgasm (by penis only) that I had with the man - and aware of the damage this could do to him, I hid the pleasure and pushed him off once it was over. I denied liking it, let alone cuming. Suddenly, I realized the mistake in ever lying to a man about his penis size. To get back to my theory, he may not have been well endowed, but he had far made up for it in other ways without needing any extra equipment. I think that's OK. But I handled the situation badly. Perhaps we just need to be praise his real talents, rather than trying to shelter his ego with insincerity that can lead to such akward scenarios that does more damage then good?
Mwah!
~Vi

ABOVE ALL LADIES, we must not hurt our man's ego! This is the ultimate turn off and will pretty much be an all expenses paid vacation for you and your vibrator for who knows how long. As much as men love sex, I've learned that they judge their sexual prowess on how much they please their woman. So we must make them feel like they are great at what the do if we ever want them inside us again! hahaha

Anyway, I agree with what Violet has said. I once dated a man that had the thinnest penis I'd ever seen, and may ever see again. The reason I was disappointed when I first saw/felt it was that I had built it up in my head after having some of the most intense and sexually stimulating make out sessions of my entire life with this guy. Upon further consideration however, it all made sense. He had made up for his lack of size by being the most amazing kisser, and could get me sufficiently turned on via foreplay to be ready to come almost instantly after he entered me. NOT TO MENTION he is the only guy to date that has successfully gotten me off via oral sex, ever. Good job, fella. Of course, I never, NEVER told him these theories about why he was a great lay, regardless of his size. Instead I was always sure to compliment him while making out and singing his praises post-coitus.

This brings me to a debate that Vi and I have had on several occasions. The question sparked after I had an 'affair' while dating another man.

The question is.... would you rather have:
a) a man with a large penis and low stamina, or
b) a man with a smaller penis and almost infinite stamina

After experiencing both, and even after what I said above, I'd pick the large penis with low stamina for the long term. The key is that this penis, since he can come so quickly, must be able to go again and get you off. If he were dead after orgasm and you were left unsatisfied, that would be unacceptable. This guy I speak of would generally come so quickly that he made me feel like the most attractive girl in the entire world. After taking a short breather to relax and enjoy, he would rev that engine right back up (and would still be pretty damn close to full mast) and would get me off however I desired. Not only did I feel comfort in him finding me attractive in his speed of orgasm, but sometimes I would make a game out of it to see how turned on I could get and see if I could come before him! I mean, why not? In regard to the smaller guy, while allowing me to come first, he would frequently take FOREVERRR to come. By that point it would no longer be enjoyable for me.

Ladies, what do you think? Take our poll and give us your opinion! You can click on more than one option! :)
-Lia

Why sometimes it's necessary to night rape your man

Without confusing the serious nature of the word rape with the necessity of night rape, I'd like to open up the discussion of why more women need to take control of their sex life. This is only to be applied to two people in a consenting relationship - not your best friend's man who might be in the next room. Too often, women are potrayed as busy, tired creatures who are thankful when they can get a good night's sleep - undisturbed by a man's penis in their back. The truth of the matter is, although not openly discussed, men get tired too and it's the WOMEN who lay awake longing for a night cap. Sometimes we reach towards our men and feel rejected because he's too tired to satisfy us. As we settle into regular monogmous relationships, both men and women tend to get so wrapped up in their day job and forget to upkeep their night time activities during the work week. Think about it - we're so stressed during the day, don't you think we need a little release when the sun goes down?? I'd like to offer one solution for those of you in a weekday rut.

We usually have two options when staring at the ceiling cracks next to a snoozing lover. The first option, doing the deed by yourself, is valid but often unfufilling when you realize you have the real thing right next to you. Besides, even if your vibrator is way better (saved for another topic), you run the risk of waking your significant other and hurting his morale because he was too tired to help out (never a good thing to hurt the sex morale).

The second option, however, benefits both parties. Prime yourself, and then reach over to your man. We all know about morning wood. Well it turns out, because a man is deep in sleep and not aware of his exhaustion, he's often capable of popping wood at anytime during the night. Go ahead and reach down there with a gentle touch. If you find that the blood flow down there has definitely increased, I suggest you keep probing until you've got something to work with. At this time, your man might still be sleeping. That's ok. This is a night rape, after all. However, once you've got enough going (it doesn't need to be full mast), jump on for a ride. Do your thing without saying anything. You might feel hands on your hips and notice a head roll, but don't expect him to provide more than a stickshift. Usually at the point where he realizes that he's not dreaming, he'll be too tred to talk to you and too turned on to realize he's still tired. The result? Just what a woman needs!

Although this method might not always work, and may not work with every man, I highly suggest every sleepless woman to try it! If all else fails, there's always Mr. Rabbit. Keep in mind that sleep sex is in no way a subsitute for the real goodies, but perhaps can help you get over a rough day until the both of you get your Saturday energy - or just something to do when you realize you're horny, and he's not paying attention. Anyway, that's my solution to a man's low labido mid week - but I'd love to hear more experiences of yours!
Mwah!
~Vi

I completely agree. Not only am I frequently longing to be satisfied at the end of a busy and stressful day, but I ultimately feel rejected if my man is too tired and just wants to pass out. What self respecting man just wants to spoon? Is this the man's version of "I have a headache" and/or "I'm just not in the mood?" Well. The last thing I, or any other sexual woman, needs is to go unsatisfied before catching her much needed Zzzz's.

That said, I have never tried Violet's night rape method. Some men I have slept with, especially if drunk, are harder to move than the Titanic while asleep. A move that has worked for me however, is the pre-sleep rape. This move generally starts with the "Baby, I'm so tired. Let's just spoon and fall asleep." "Okay baby," I say, but I have other plans on my mind. The timing on this move is key, because you have to wait until he is slightly dozed, but not completely down for the count. The longer you sleep with one guy, the better you'll become on the timing aspect. Once in the spoon position and you feel his breath getting heavier, reach your top arm back and grab your guy. At first he won't know or realize what is happening, and in his half-dreamy state he'll just think it feels good. After working him for about a minute he'll realize that he's not only very hard, but no longer too sleepy to skip sex and will be ready to go. I like to roll over and face him while getting him worked up, before he decides that he wants to get after it. This is a great move because although he's going to often want sex, he won't want to put in too much effort. This is your chance girls to take advantage of being on top and riding him for all he's worth. You'll have a great opportunity to control the rhythm and speed with him in a dreamy state and you in charge.

I suggest trying both moves and finding what works best for you and your partner. What is for certain, however, is that we deserve to be satisfied.

Kisses,
Lia

Allow us to introduce ourselves...

Hello Everyone!

My name is Aurelia, and I'd like to welcome you to my newest adventure: Tryst. A while back my very dear friend Violet and I worked together in Boston. We bonded quickly over our sense of humor, sassy attitude, and love of sex. Not sex with each other, of course. (Sorry, boys). ;) We've spent countless hours discussing sex and relationships together. Violet enlightened me to things such as "Create-a-Mate" vibrators and Playgirl, and I've often referred to her as my "sex guru" in certain circles.

After many years of our debates on things such as:
*why does everyone love morning sex?
*if and when is cheating justified?
*what's the best toy to use with your partner?
she decided that we needed a place to discuss these topics and ask the opinions of other girls out there. We don't pretend to have all the answers, but we know enough to know what's worth discussing for your every day pretty lady.

Thus, our blog was born. We chose the name Tryst by way of its double entendre. Quite literally, it is an arranged meeting between lovers. In the sense of our blog, we'd like to create a meeting place to discuss issues not just surrounding sex, but relationships and love as well. She and I will both be bringing up topics and posting/debating. Please feel free to post comments on our blog, or email us questions and/or suggestions on topics we should address at trystblog@gmail.com. We are so excited for the juices to start flowing!
Kisses,
Lia

Yesssssss! Hello everyone and welcome to our blog! We are so fabulously excited for the opportunity to share our conversations with you. Aurelia and I have been discussing doing this for a long time, and discussing all aspects of sex even longer, and so we're tuned and ready for this experience! Lia is my perfect sex talk compliment; She is always there to share innuendos and stories, offer important topics that we should be on top off (literally and figuratively), and provide excellent reasoning to back up all of our sex and relationship theories. We hope you all enjoy reading with us, share with us your latest fiascos, and check back often for our discussions!
Mwah!
~ Vi